Saturday, December 11, 2010

How to tell if your dog has mental problems...

Now aside from the obvious observations, if your not positive these few test will give you a good idea of whether or not your dog may in fact be retarded...
Things you will need:
A cup
Lots of dog biscuits
Your voice
A Blanket
A stop watch
Now if your dog has undergone basic training and understands the commands sit stay and responds to its name, you don't need to take this test your dog is either ignoring you, lazy, or just not smart, but not retarded.( warning test results may vary and such may not always be accurate)
test 1: throw blanket over dog and time how long it takes him/her to escape... almost instantaneously, above average, or has a hatred of being smothered +5 points...  between 30 seconds-1 minute, acceptable +2 points, 3 minutes or more retarded +0 points
Test 2: call random names or objects to see if your dog responds. For instance yell “ELEPHANT, or ORANGE."  Then call your dog’s name. Responds to their name only and not objects good +5 points responds to everything okay +2 points, responds to nothing and looks at you with a blank face on an angle... retarded +0 points
test 3: hold a biscuit in front of your dogs face make sure they notice it, then put the biscuit under a cup, and time how long it takes your dog to knock the cup over and retrieve the biscuit... under 30 seconds good +5 points... 30 seconds- 2 minutes okay +3 points... Run around the house doing everything else they know how to do, hoping the magical cup gods will remove it and reward him with the treat +0 points
Simple yes? well add up your dogs point 15= genius dog, congratulations its smarter then you, and may ruin your life through strategic placement of landmines, and becoming a perfectly engineered furniture and floor destroying machine... 10-14 good, your dog is smart so don't worry they will make a good friend, and could probably win a medal or something. 5-9 average, okay so your dogs not a genius but at least they're not retarded and its the thought that counts.... 2-4 your dogs pretty stupid, and will more than likely never amount to be of any success but his life will be filled with laughter directed at him, for his many hilarious accidents. 0-1, your dog is a full blown mental case no way around it, he will spend the rest of his/her life praying to the cup gods for milk bones, and moping the floor with his butt and or tongue, but hey just because he's retarded doesn't mean he's not cuddly...

ALL RIGHTS RESEERVED, NOTHING IN THIS PASSAGE WAS MENT TO OFFEND IM JUST GIVING YOU ALL A WAY TO FIND OUT SOME VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION...

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